Diary of a Transplanted Witch
by SeverusSnapesgirl12786
Summary: AU. Diary in the spirit of Bridget Jones' Diary about a transplanted witch. Rated T for language. SS/OC
1. The Arrival

Diary of a Transplanted Witch

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters in the wonderful series by JKR. The original character is mine.

Chapter 1: The Arrival

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The fact that I am in the UK is something. Being a complete anglophile this just makes me absolutely giddy with excitement. Of course I have heard of Hogwarts. I have never been. I went to Salem myself but I pursued a life in the Muggle world after graduation, mainly in music and movies. I wanted the big life but yet quiet. Those two things just didn't mix most of the time so here I am on a train, full of students I might add, listening to my iPod and in the oldest set of robes ever.

It isn't my fault in that regard. As I said, I have been in the Muggle World and didn't have a need for robes, jeans and T-shirts ruled supreme over there. Here it is stiff robes that make me fee rather puffy and old.

The train stopped and I continued to tap my foot to some awesome song playing. I might as well let the kids get out first before me. Finally all of the mass of little things got off and I marched myself up to a horseless carriage (there are those in the Muggle World, call cars….sheesh go figure). I popped in and noticed a tricolor bunch, a black haired boy, a red haired boy, and a rather mousy brown haired girl. The girl shot a look a me; I continued to jam to some amazing 80's power ballads. Ooops, they are talking might want to cut this thing down.

Thank god it isn't about me but some other Professor I assume. We pass through the gates and my iPod jams. I swear technology sucks sometimes. I try the classic American way of repairing something that is being retarded. I hit it a few times, nothing. Finally I put it up and give up. I will call the nearest Apple store ASAP. That was until the mousy haired one piped up.

"Um, if that is Muggle it won't work here. Nothing Muggle works here."

Damn. Means I might actually have to use my wand for once and won't get to listen to my Sinatra in the mornings. Oh woe is me. Crap, she is looking at me. Alright, tried and true technique used to frighten pop stars in the sound booth, fold arms and glare. Shit...just a smirk, the hell?

The wannabe car stopped and everybody got out, including me. I looked up and began humming the theme to the Addams Family. Nobody got it, whoa. Any who, being a professor I might want to find where the others are. I move through the big doors into what some of the students were calling "The Great Hall". Ah….professors front and center. Empty chair next to some dark haired pale dude. I catch a glance of the rather eccentric old man that hired me. He is making a cute little speech about how the children need to follow the rules (like that will happen). Oh no, he just said something about a new professor, don't point me out. Damn it.

I nod politely to him. Then rather sarcastically to myself 'yup that's me, Cameron Walker, the one who will be teaching the kids about Muggle Studies and I am a pureblood.' I look next to me at the rather severe looking guy; he looks about as interested in this as I am. If only my iPod was working, that would save me from my boredom. Hide that little thing under this massive table and play a few rounds of solitaire during this little talking hat part. Oh, interesting, the severe guy moves subtly when somebody gets put in Slytherin. Oh well, back to my wishing for my iPod again. I could play trivia, look at pictures, and watch some TV with a rather yummy looking man in it. Damn….I can tell where I will be most of the time when not teaching, sitting just outside the gates, like a fool.

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	2. Sorting

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters in the wonderful series by JKR. My OC is just that mine...I created her.

Chapter 2: Sorting

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It is my first day of teaching, honestly how hard can it be? I am dressed in horrid robes yet again. What I wouldn't give for jeans and a t-shirt.

Whoa, hungry now. The food from last night wasn't that bad. It ain't like mama's cooking, but oh well it will dog. Same seat open next to the dark haired one. He's not very sociable. I usually am but I am currently quite shell-shocked at the moment, plus the five hour time difference doesn't help matters. Phew, food and how in the hell did they know not to give me coffee? Mmm….looks like they gave me iced tea. WRONG. It is cold but it isn't right. I must not gag. Must not gag. I know what it is, no sweetener. I must have made some kind of noise because "Mr. Dark" looked at me. Should I say something to him? Why not? Oh yeah, American accent might be weird, oh well. This "tea" is total crap.

"Have y'all never heard of a sweetener?" Shit, I actually said "y'all" in my first sentence to the man. I am such a redneck. Must resist the temptation to bash my head on the table for letting my Southern ways get the better of me.

"I am sure you confused the house elves." Ok better name for him is now "Mr. Gravel Voice." Whoa.

"I probably did. I will give them the family recipe so I don't gag every morning." Good girl, sound smart but don't let on that you have no idea where the house elves actually are.

No response, just a glare at the three I rode with yesterday. Ooo a tap on the shoulder.

"Hello, Headmaster." Clever, Cam…go girl.

"Hi dear, call me Albus. (Phew no awkward school girl moments) I noticed that you have met our Potions Master, Severus Snape."

I nod and glance at the man with the Roman name and nose. I must not think of togas and gladiators. Fail…TOGA TOGA TOGA!!!!

"Good. If you are finished with breakfast, will you join me in the office for something important." I've been summoned.

Be nice, let those Virginia manners work. "Of course sir, please lead the way."

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I was right about the eccentric part, oodles of shiny objects. I would love to figure out what most of them do but I must stay on task here. No goofing around.

"I am sure that you noticed the Sorting Hay last night." So that's what it was.

I nod yet again, words apparently don't work right now. He continues to explain what it does and the whole history behind it. Being quite the nerd at times I soak it all up like a sponge. Then the last part throws me for a loop: "And I would like you to be sorted." Ok, so didn't see that coming.

"Ok and I have nothing to worry about when it goes on my head."

He twinkles. "Nothing at all."

Great. "Ok" he plopped the thing on my head and it throws me for a loop. I knew it talked from last night but this is a whole conversation that a hat is trying to start with me.

"_Interesting, I haven't sorted anyone from this family in nearly 400 years. (Err we went to the colonies) Well lets see… very bright, cunning, clever, and blindingly ambitious. Hmm, but a firmly placed moral compass and like to be in charge even if it is subtly. I guess the best place for you to be would be_…… SLYTHERIN!"

Albus is still twinkling his eyes at me. Reminds me of a college professor I had, tough dude. I bet he is too. "Very interesting dear. I am sure Severus will be pleased to know he is not the only Slytherin on the staff anymore."

Just great.

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Thanks to all the people that reviewed and alerted this fic already. I am very flattered.


	3. The Jam Session

Chapter 3: The Jam Session

How can these students not think that Muggles are smart? My God….I am fuming seriously. First a comment about Muggles being stupid and static, then another comment about Yanks. GAH! Nobody calls me a Yank, so that little Malfoy brat now has detention with me and I think I will teach him some history and why is not proper to call anybody from the South a Yank. I don't run around calling him an in-bred twit.

I need to zone out but alas I have to get off the grounds to do that. So time to go exploring. I find a nice little clearing with a few trees sprinkled around, that make perfect backrests. A few of those trees would make perfect mounts for a hammock. I must not groan at the prospect of laying in a hammock with music and a nice southern beverage to warm my spirits.

I managed to find my wand the other day so now to see how well it actually works. Woohoo!!! Now we are talking I transfigured myself a hammock from a twig. SCORE!! After hanging it up I decide that relaxation must happen. Laying down I put my film score selections on full blast. Taking in the soothing sounds of Daio Marianelli mixed with the "1812 Overture". Apparently I fell asleep, nice dream about a pretty British man from a TV show I saw just before I left, guy wearing colorful converse shoes, pin-stripe suit, Buddy Holly glasses, and playing with a sonic-screwdriver.

Oooof, the ground hurts. Holy crap, somebody is here with me. I blink a few times trying to get my world into focus, it is "Mr Gravel Voice" or oh crap, what's his name? Ah ha…..Severus. I must get all thoughts of Roman history out of my head before they turn into me thinking about Animal House. Too late, damn it.

Apparently he is yelling at me, I seriously can't hear him, maybe am deaf. Very bad. Oh, do not deaf just have completely forgotten that iPod is on full blast and my hair is covering my earbuds. Whoops. I pull my little earbuds out.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I am trying to look innocent and sweet.

"What are you doing here?" Oooo apparently he is amusing when irritated.

"I needed a little retreat so I created one."

He gave me a funny look. "This is where I go to get some potions ingredients. Why were you deaf?"

"Oh. Yeah, not deaf just listening to something else. I know it is really rude of me to say that but I was. It is a Muggle device called an iPod. It has music, movies, games, and pictures of my family on it."

"Right, last time I checked Muggles didn't invent such a thing."

"They have, about five years ago I think, made by some guys out in California. They are now dirty rich too."

"What were you retreating from, if you don't mind me asking?" Aw, he is acting like he cares, how not cute.

"Just a rough first day of teaching and ended up giving a student detention." That got his attention.

"Yes, one of my students no less. Why did you give him detention?"

"He insulted me by calling me a Yank."

He really needs to stop smirking. "Well you are a Yank, I can't see how that would be an insult."

"Looks like you need a history lesson too. Calling me a Yank is a huge insult. It is almost like called a Muggle-born a Mudblood. I am from the South, in Virginia no less. The Civil War might have been over a hundred years ago but don't dare tell anybody from the South that. Yanks are second class in the South. Yanks are rude, annoying and brash. Southerners are nice, friendly, sweet, and blunt."

"I see, I will explain the situation to him."

"I am sure that you will but he still has detention." He sighed in defeat, how nice. "No offense but do you mind if I can get back to my relaxation?"

"No I don't mind, what is that thing?"

"It is a hammock, best things ever but they really hurt when you fall out of them. Thanks, that was my second time falling out of one."

He nodded and walked away from me. I put my earbuds in and began to jam, this time to Journey, really loudly. I think he might have heard it. Haha. Now that was an interesting face, I hope that eyebrow doesn't get stuck up there. Time to tap the foot and watch the clouds.

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